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Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions On Yahoo!: Part II

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A while ago, I did a post where I screenshot-ed actual questions that I found on Yahoo! Answers and commented with my own personal answers. This post is the same thing, but these are NEW QUESTIONS! As someone who likes comedy, there really is quite literally (Chris Traeger voice) nothing in this world that is more naturally funny and entertaining than the things you come across on Yahoo! Answers.

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Hello. The last time I felt God’s influence was probably yesterday when I was walking down the street and all of a sudden I saw a beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog puppy wagging its adorable tail at me in which I looked up at the sky and thought, “God is real.”

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That is interesting, Magas! Why would you do that? Is your boyfriend dead? Because usually when another human regurgitates on another human’s face that human immediately rises out of his slumber like a Phoenix from the ashes and begins to scream in horror. What should you do? Magas, you should clean his face. Are you being serious? Magas.

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Hello, Nicolas. This is an intellectually astute question. Derived from its Latin root, “YODELAYHEEHOO,” YOLO means something along those lines meaning that which means something related. I think it’s unfair to say that someone should, say, get out of murder if their victim says this combination of four alphabetical letters because that seems as nonsensical as your question!

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Dearest Michelle, what the fuck? You sound like a terrific mother. I would definitely say the right time to smoke the marijuana green leaf with your child is if you don’t have a child. If you do have a child then I would say the right time is about never. Only because that would be irresponsible. You obviously should only to start with heroine.

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Hello, JohnA. What kind of a name is JohnA? Does the “A” attached to “John” stand for “asshole”? In any case, JohnAsshole, I understand where you’re coming from, but cats are not the answer. Everyone with half a whale’s brain knows that dogs are better than cats. Cats are so disgusting. People who own cats are also disgusting. It’s a disgusting cult and I hope it’s exterminated. If you don’t believe me, read more here!

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Kareem, you must go to your local Burger King in nothing but a four leaf clover to cover your buttocks. When you arrive, you must chant the ancient unicorn folklore hymns for 45 minutes while pouring sacred unicorn tears into your belly button. Afterwards, your unicorn will love you again.

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Richie Newbill, I have created a list of a few of my personal favorite cat names:

  1. Dog
  2. Canine
  3. Why The Fuck Are You Not A Dog
  4. Man’s Best Friend Just Kidding You’re Disgusting
  5. Bitch
  6. Pooch
  7. Flea Bag
  8. Get The Fuck Away From Me You’re A Peasant

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Hello, Johnny. Would you like your mother to know that the ice cubes she buys at the grocery store are being used to stick up your dirty asshole? Get your life together.

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Dear Tinkerbe…, who named you? Were your parents so high when they were trying to name you that they ended up naming you “Tinkerbe…”? That is a wonderfully touching story I bet you drink alcohol to deal with it. In terms of your question, cats, like your parents, are wild animals and need to be domesticated. You must domesticate ‘that bitch!’

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Hi, Tom. Your situation is mind blowing. Firstly, how can anyone go to a public shower at a gym? Are you suicidal? Do you need Lexapro? Take one step in a public shower and you have 10 different STDs and a wart on the inside of your overgrown toenail. How can you get aroused in such an environment? You sound like a filthy pig. LOL. Excuse me, that was unprofessional. I’m sorry I can’t relate more to your heartbreaking situation because I don’t have a penis, but if I did have one I would keep its ass as far away from public showers as I could.

Has your faith in humanity been restored from this post?

The post Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions On Yahoo!: Part II appeared first on The Impersonals.


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